Experiencing baby loss around a cancer diagnosis

A cancer diagnosis during pregnancy can sometimes sadly coincide with the loss of a baby. This may be through miscarriage or stillbirth alongside your cancer treatment or recovery, a diagnosis of Gestational Trophoblastic Disease (GTD) or alternatively it could follow a deeply difficult decision to have a termination for medical reasons (TFMR). 

This page offers information about baby loss after a miscarriage or stillbirth, drawing on the experiences of the families we have supported. Some of the content may be appropriate for you regardless of nature of your loss.

We also have a page dedicated to Termination for Medical Reasons and a new page dedicated to GTD will be coming shortly.

The loss of a baby, whether through miscarriage or stillbirth, affects every parent differently, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. When the painful grief and trauma of loss are combined with the shock of a cancer diagnosis or occur while you are undergoing treatment or trying to recover, the emotions can feel even more complex and overwhelming. You may need different kinds of support at different times, whether from your partner, family, friends or someone who has been through a similar experience. The type of support that feels helpful may also change as time goes on.

It can feel especially hard when those around you are focused on your cancer diagnosis while your own thoughts are dominated by grief and loss. This might lead to feelings of isolation, as though others don’t fully understand the depth of what you are going through or the weight of the emotions that you are carrying.

What ifs

For mums, birthing parents and families who experience baby loss around the time of a cancer diagnosis, a common fear is whether their loss was impacted or caused by the stress of their diagnosis or complications linked to treatment.

Living with unanswered questions can be very painful. Talking through these worries with your medical team, a counsellor, a friend or others who have experienced similar loss may help you feel less alone.

In recovery

Receiving positive news after cancer treatment, such as moving into recovery or being told there is no evidence of disease, can bring a mix of emotions when baby loss has been experienced during this time.

You might struggle to balance feelings of loss, anger and grief with the relief of feeling better or having been told there is  or no evidence of disease.

This grief might also be compounded by the potential inability to have any future pregnancies, and by the fact that other family members may also be grieving.

Support

Regardless of how the situation has unfolded, families like yours who have experienced baby loss alongside a cancer diagnosis, need to be offered access to timely care and support that addresses the complex trauma, emotions, and grief associated with both the loss and the realities of the cancer diagnosis.

Trying to process the mix of emotions that can come up may at times feel overwhelming and it can be difficult, but not impossible, to find someone who can provide adequate support for both aspects.

The loss of a baby is devastating, and grief is an ongoing process. Anniversaries or other life events may bring back intense or difficult feelings. Remember, accepting help is not a sign of weakness and it’s never too late to seek support.

Hospital and medical support

Health professionals, either in hospital or community, should be offering you the same bereavement support as would be offered to any parent experiencing loss or grief. If this has not been your experience, and you would like some support, we would urge you to ask of them what is available in your local area.  

Your GP could be a useful source of support and may be able to share local resources. In addition, Mummy’s Star can also help signpost you to appropriate services.  

Expert advice

We have been fortunate to collaborate with Lucy Sumner from White Candle Counselling, who specialises in helping those going through miscarriage, baby loss, TFMR and infertility to feel more understood and supported. 

You might like to take a look at the  Ask the Expert session that Lucy recorded with the Mummy Star team which highlights some of the challenges that you might be experiencing since your loss.  In it she acknowledges the complex mix of emotions and grief that may be coming up for you and talks about the importance of seeking counselling and support at a time that is right for you.   

Creating memories and saying goodbye

A ‘memory pack’ is something you can create to retain precious memories of your child, and is sometimes provided by your hospital or you can find advice and resources from support services 4Louis and Simba.

What may be available will depend on the stage of your pregnancy, but your pack might include: a baby scan photo, locks of hair, hospital name band, handprint, a toy you have purchased for baby in advance, and more.

Depending on your circumstances, you may wish to consider whether you would like to see and/or hold your baby after delivery. This isn’t always possible, especially after early loss, and it may feel like a difficult or emotional decision. Some parents find that, when it is an option, these moments can bring comfort or help in processing grief, but it is also absolutely fine if it doesn’t feel right for you. If you choose not to see your baby, or if that is not possible, photographs can still be taken (which you may or may not wish to see now or in the future) and a memory pack can still be created for you to have if/when you feel ready.

Some parents choose to name their baby and hold a funeral or memorial to acknowledge their baby’s life in a way that is meaningful to them. If you decide not to have a private funeral, the hospital will still ensure that your baby is laid to rest with care and dignity.

Support from family and friends

Sometimes family and friends may be unsure how best to support you. They might not know whether to mention your loss at all, what to say or how to talk about your child and what you have been through. If you feel able, you could let them know what words and phrases feel right for you. It might help them feel more confident in supporting you in the way that you need.

If you have given your baby a name, you might choose to share it if and when you feel comfortable. For some, hearing their baby’s name spoken and recognised by others can be a comforting way to remember them.

If it feel to difficult to talk about your loss with everyone, or to have the same conversation multiple times, you might want to ask a trusted family member or friend to share this on your behalf.

Specific support for those experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth or baby loss

Sands is the UK’s leading pregnancy and baby loss charity, supporting everyone touched by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby.

Tommy's is the pregnancy and baby charity. They work across the whole pregnancy journey, within research, campaigning and providing expert information and support. They have extensive resources available for anyone who has lost a baby through any means. 4Louis offers support for anyone affected by miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a baby/child. This includes a phoneline, memory boxes, sibling bags as well as online support group for dads.

The Miscarriage Association provides information and support for anyone affected by miscarriage. They host a forum and provide information on how to find a suitable counsellor.

Child Bereavement UK offers support for parents and siblings following baby loss and child death. They have some general information on their website relating to baby loss and they also host a helpline.

White Candle Counselling is a Cheshire based counselling service led by Lucy Sumner. She offers counselling to women experiencing issues around TMFR, baby loss, infertility and miscarriage. Sessions can be face-to-face, by phone or online sessions.

You should also be offered access to all the usual bereavement and loss support provided by your hospital and/or care provider; in the same way you would, had there not been a cancer diagnosis.